Holy Week 2011

Holy Week approached with all of its grandeur. Almost every night there was a procession: Our Lady of Sorrows on Holy Monday, the Encounter on Holy Tuesday, the Transfer of the Eucharist on Holy Thursday, the Passion play, and the Good Friday Procession. Teaching the Old Testament this year completely gave me a new outlook and perspective on these processions. At first I always thought they were a bit strange as they paraded a bunch of statues around town, but after I looked at them through the eyes of the Old Testament, they took on greater meaning. These processions gave the Catholics of Benque Viejo del Carmen an identity – it was a cultural manifestation of the Catholic Faith in Benque, it set them apart. What God was doing in the Old Testament might have seemed strange to an outsider – the spreading of blood to a doorpost, sprinkling blood on the people, circumcision, parading the ark of the covenant seven times around the walls of Jericho, the making of a bronze serpent, etc… but what God was doing was forming these people as His own. He was giving them their own culture, their own identity as the people of God. The other concept that comes into play is the concept of a “memorial.” A memorial to a Jewish person was much more than just having something that helps you remember what happened in the past, no, to a Jewish person a memorial was doing something similar or having something similar to an act that was done in the past but through that act those things of the past are made present. This I why every time Jews celebrate the Passover, they refer to it as happening “this night.” That memorial made that act of history present. This is why Jesus said at the Last Supper, “Do this in memory of me.” He was asking that the act of the Last Supper be done as a memorial so that every time you ate the bread or drank the cup you proclaimed and made present His death. So the Last Supper, the Passion, Death, and Resurrection are all made present at every single Mass. When the processions in Benque occur, and they parade a statue of Our Lady of Sorrows encountering Christ carrying His Cross in the middle of town, that act becomes present in the streets of Benque. Those graces of that moment are brought alive in our small little town. His saving acts are made present to us in that moment.

At Easter Vigil, four students were baptized and confirmed, and five received their First Holy Communion. This is testimony that Christ is still at work today. He is alive! He is Risen indeed! God continues to act and work in His people and make His presence known to His people. These students heard His call and they responded with grace to His invitation to enter into His family, into His Church. I had the privilege of becoming the padrino – or godfather – to two of the girls baptized. I was so blest and moved by what the Lord was doing in their lives. I felt instantly connected to them as they had living water poured over their heads to enter into Christ’s death and Resurrection. Tears ran down one of their eyes as sanctifying grace entered their soul. They wrote, “That night I was filled with joy and love!” He is Risen indeed!

March 2011

The week my family came into town was a week of refreshment. I was able to show off the beauty of the country that has become my second home. I was excited to hang out with my Dad, my brother, my sister, and my brother-in-law and to introduce them to my town, my fellow volunteers, but above all my students. We had a lot of much needed fun visiting Flores, Tikal, and San Pedro.

The following week was the yearly visit by the mission team from Franciscan University. It was great to have a week off from teaching and watch others reach out to my students in different ways. It was interesting to watch the students interact with these “strangers” who had come from the USA visit their classrooms. It’s funny to look at them and think of how I was one of them two years ago. I was amazed to see how my students had warmed up to me and formed a relationship with me and how they were still weary of these newcomers just as they were with me. The Friday Night Youth Night was a beautiful display of faith as the Lord began to work miracles in a lot of the kids’ lives. It’s so cool to have fresh and enthusiastic faces ready to serve and able to reach out to the kids I haven’t been able to reach out to. It is nice to be woken up from complacency which can often take place once you’ve become comfortable with your surroundings. The Lord surely worked through them in great ways. Not only uplifting the students, but also me.

The week after that was the week my good family friend came into town. It was cool to have someone more immersed into my life as a missionary rather than my life as a tourist. That week was a lot of fun showing her the ropes of Benque.

Somehow in the craziness of March I was still able to complete my distance learning master’s class even amidst all the hustle and bustle of three weeks of visitors. God truly performed a miracle in allowing me to complete this course.

After a semester of planning, the 4^th Form Retreat was underway. This retreat was an overnight co-ed retreat which was a risk but it proved to be well worth taking. The students all had so much fun and grew so much. During Adoration the students received letters from their classmates, their teachers, and their parents expressing their good qualities about them. Almost all of them were moved to tears. The Lord was doing awesome things in this 4^th Form Class. He was breaking down walls and uniting them together. It was beautiful to see how they all shared their experience of what happened on the retreat.

2nd Semester 2011, January and February

This semester has been filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns, yet it all continues to move forward in the same direction. Its hard to sum up everything that has happened over the past five months because so much has happened and yet it seems as if everything remains the same. Our lives are so hectic and busy, and yet so plain and ordinary. Yet in the midst of all the monotony and everything mundane, through the ordinary God has done the extraordinary. Amidst all the madness and confusion, God brought stability.

The beginning of this semester began with the tragic news that one of Mount Carmel’s former students had committed suicide. This sent out a big shockwave throughout the community of Benque. It especially affected my former homeroom, the class she was in. I will never forget the day that I and my former homeroom approached her house as we heard the wailing and moaning of her grieving mother. Everyone who heard it felt her pain. I didn’t want to go inside, I didn’t know what to do or say to a mother who had lost her child. I was terrified, but because I am called “teacher” I had to pretend to know what I was doing and that I was not afraid. We went in and paid our respects. To see the pain of a mother in so much grief twisted one’s heart into knots enough to wring tears out of one’s eyes. I’ve never understood Our Lady of Sorrows as much as I did at that point. I thought a lot of how Mary must have felt when she lost her only Son to such a horrible death. A dark cloud had descended upon Benque, over the next few weeks reports of more suicide and suicide attempts rolled in. It seemed as if crisis had taken over. Yet it was the community of faith that held everything together. Death and the Evil One had knocked on Benque’s door, but Benque with much grief responded with faith not by becoming focused on the evil surrounding it, but by ignoring it. There was a shift in thought that was necessary to happen in order to not give credit or attention to the Evil One. It is clear that those who were involved were longing for something more: they were longing for Love.

During the next month, my fourth form students were asked to apply everything that they had learned about that Love that everyone longs for in a chastity presentation that they would give to primary school students in the area. They were all so nervous and excited about how to make their presentation applicable to youngsters. It was beautiful to see because through learning how to teach it, they learned to believe what they taught and a transformation grew within them. Although they went to give presentations to help other students learn, it was really them who were learning and learning to Love. The excitement in their faces as they returned from their respective schools was contagious. It was clear that God was working in their hearts to teach them about the demands of true Love rather than the counterfeit form they are surrounded by.

New Podcast!

Check out the New Podcast from ChristLife. While 7 of my students and I visited the United States from June 10th - 21st, we had the opportunity to be interviewed by ChristLife about my life in Belize as a volunteer teacher and their experience of me as a teacher. Check it out!

Theology of the Body Exam

This was my favorite Fourth Form Exam Essay that I received. They are learning!

The two fundamental questions of the theology of the body are “What does it mean to be human” and “How can I lead a life that leads to happiness?” In order to answer the question, “What does it mean to be human?” We have to look at the 3 phases of humanity.

The first phase is our origin, which has three sub-phases, original solitude, original unity, and original nakedness. Original solitude means that man is unique in his own nature. God is spirit, He is immaterial and invisible. Animals are matter, they are material and visible. Man is alone in his nature because he is body and soul, matter and spirit, visible and invisible! Apart from that we have free will and the ability to love.

Original unity is simply the union of bodies. Male and females are made for each other. The male body does not make sense without the female body and the female body does not make sense without the male body. Just by look at the anatomy of a man we can see that he is meant to protect, give of himself, to start and initiate the act of love, pursue a woman and sacrifice himself for her. A woman on the other hand is meant to receive, she has a mystery to be revealed, a relationship to be pursued, and a beauty to be unveiled. She is one that receives life. It is also important to remember that we are a body, but also more than a body, we are a union of body and soul. We are meant to be united with God and our neighbor through the call of love because it is through love that we are united. Because we have been made in the image and likeness of God we are to become one with God and with our neighbor. The only way we can fulfill our humanity is to love.

Original nakedness is to see a person with true love, divine vision, to see each other as God sees us. With the gift of original nakedness one could be naked without shame because we were able to see each other as a gift. Remember that original innocence is when man didn’t know good from evil, so he was not able to lust. With original nakedness we know our call to love each other through our bodies as God loves us.

The second phase is our history. We now know that there is good and evil because in the beginning of time, when Adam and Eve were created, they soon fell. It is because our first ancestors disobeyed that we must now have the shame of being naked. Our eyes no more have divine vision. Adam and Eve covered themselves in shame as a self-defense against objectification. They did not see each other as gifts to love and be loved, but as objects to be used.We had fallen from grace. But the story doesn’t end there.

We were redeemed. God the Father sent His Son to redeem us. Jesus Christ became flesh and incarnated in Mary’s womb. In order to save us God had to sacrifice His own flesh to redeem us in the flesh. He did this when He was crucified. It is when Christ rises from the dead that our bodies are redeemed. Jesus came and death had been defeated. By Christ’s resurrection we get the gifts of the sacraments and the opportunity to go to heaven. The purpose of the sacraments is to receive God’s grace through our flesh in order to help us get to heaven when our bodies will be glorified. This is our destiny, we were meant for love. Our last destination as humans is to achieve a union with God and that union is in heaven. This is the Beatific Vision.

Now, in order to answer the question, “How can I achieve happiness?” We have to look at the Christian vocations. Vocations are meant to make a gift of ourselves to love others and serve them. We can either choose marriage or celibacy. Even if we choose any one of these, our vocation will always be to draw us into communion with God and each other. If we choose marriage, we make vows to love each other till death parts us. Basically we are sacrificing ourselves for the good of the other and we do it on our own will, with love and with a purpose. The purpose of marriage is to begin a family and to give forth new life through the gift of love. The purpose of marriage is not only to procreate, but also to achieve a union with your spouse and to lead your spouse to heaven.

Many people think that celibacy doesn’t fulfill what it means to mean to be a man or a woman, but it certainly does. A priest or nun have sacrificed their sexuality and have given it to God. They want to achieve a closer union with God here on earth, which is also the end goal of marriage. Celibacy still fulfills what it means to be a man or woman because they lay down their lives in sacrifice to serve, guide, protect, and give forth spiritual life. Priests lay down their lives to serve and love the Church. In Mass, he initiates love and life through the giving of the sacraments. Sisters also give spiritual life through their service, charity, and teaching. In their femininity they receive the love of Christ and tend to their spiritual children. They fulfill what it means to be man or woman because they are an opportunity to love.

In both of these vocations, they allow man to make a gift of himself in love, and only in giving yourself away can you find yourself and find true happiness.

Carmen Kotch, 4th Form

Top 20 of First Semester 2010!

There are so many blessings that we encounter over a semester. It’s hard to acknowledge them all, but here are my top twenty for the semester.

20. My Birthday – My birthday was made special by the 400 smiling faces singing “Happy Birthday” to me while I stood in the middle aisle of the church after Mass. Also an old student heard it was my birthday and he called a current student to let me know that he was going to treat me to dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Then one of the Belizean teachers had their wife bake me a cake. The volunteers also had a signed card for me and made a cake to celebrate.

19. Siddarth/Sanji/Zoe/Sandra – These adorably cute children always brighten my day when they’re around. Siddarth and Sanji are the son and daughter of Mr. Punjabi, the Math and Business teacher at the high school. Zoe is one of their friends and Sandra is the daughter of the custodian who works at our school. These four children are so joyful and so funny, coloring with them and playing games with them is always a treat.

18. Visiting two students at their house – One of my students was in a motorcycle accident in which he was banged up pretty bad. Another teacher and I made the point to go visit him at his house. He was very grateful for the visit – we were his first visitors. Another student was missing from class for 10 days. I knew that he was a student that had potential to drop-out. I took initiative to visit him and to make sure everything was okay. He was not planning on coming back to school, but through a little persuasion, he was back at school the next class day. These were two opportunities where I realized the impact we can make as a teacher.

17. Mountain Pine Ridge – the staff retreat in the middle of the mountains. The highlights were swimming in the pools, going to the Rio Frio Caves, and playing games with the volunteers.

16. Hurricane Richard – The electricity went out which means that we volunteers, who normally have nothing to do, had even less to do, but we make do with what we have and it ended up being a blast of playing games in the dark with flashlights and candles.

15. Theology of the Body Song Presentations – This was one opportunity where I realized that I have the potential to be a great teacher. The students had to present on a song in modern culture (“Soy Hombre” ~ Aventura, “Whatcha Say” ~ Jason Derulo, “Don’t Tell Me” ~ Avril Lavigne, “Mine” ~ Taylor Swift, etc…) and tell me whether it was a good example or a bad example of masculinity, femininity, sexuality, love, or lust. They did awesome with it! I was so proud of them!

14. St. Ignatius High School – Although I dreaded the thought of it. It was actually a blast and renewed my love for teaching as I entered into 6 different classrooms at a different high school to give a talk on God’s love. I saw some familiar faces from when I first visited on a week mission trip in March 2009 and I really connected with the kids there.

13. Los Finados – I never really appreciate All Souls Day until I celebrated it this year. It was absolutely beautiful as we processed in candlelight from the church after Mass praying the Rosary in Spanish to see a beautifully decorated, candlelit, and populated cemetery with families praying in remembrance of their deceased family members. Students made altars dedicated to praying for the faithfully departed. Families invited me to drink xpasha and eat bollos in honor of their family members.

12. Hanging out with Victor – Victor is my Belizean friend who is an IT teacher at the high school. He is such an awesome friend and I am so thankful for the many times I have hung out with him and just relaxed. School can get very stressful, but whenever I would go over to Victor’s to eat, watch TV, or have a drink, it always put my mind and heart at ease.

11. Market in Melchor – There have been many times when I have went over to Melchor de Mencos, Guatemala the border-town right across from us and have went to spend time with my students at the market place where they work. The market is so much fun. There are clothes from Hollister, Abercrombie, American Eagle, etc… (which explains why my students are way more stylish than I) and this is where my students work. On the other side of the stalls are the houses of my students and it’s amazing to experience the hospitality that they have to offer. When I visit they make sure to take out chairs for me to sit and to offer me Pepsi or cola.

10. Christmas Celebrations with Volunteers - Because we are always looking for a reason to celebrate when there’s not much to do, we do holidays big. This Christmas we made a bunch of snowflakes and hung them from the ceiling, made a paper life-size Christmas tree, had Yankee Swap, and Secret Santa.

9. Halloween Party with Volunteers – we all dressed up and invited a few Belizean teachers to come join us. It was a masquerade fiesta as we had the 80’s, a Twister board, a Coke bottle, a mobster, a biker girl, Ursula, a pumpkin, a 50’s girl in a poodle skirt, a gypsy, a Islamic woman, and a Jedi. The dancing was fun!

8. Fishing in Melchor – One day, I was asked to go with a bunch of students to go fishing with them in Melchor, Guatemala. One student drove their jeep to the place where we would fish. We “fished” with a stick, fishing line, a hook, and we had to look for the worms. Later they decided to put chicken necks on the line, but they had to go buy them. Their jeep ended up getting stuck for three hours in which we pushed and shoved and dug. It was hilarious! To top it off, they drove me back to the border on my very first motorcycle ride.

7. San Pedro – One of the three day weekends, the volunteers made sure to get out of good ole mundane Benque to go to La Isla Bonita – San Pedro on Ambergeris Caye. It’s so beautiful out there! We stayed at a resort for super cheap through a connection that someone had. We had great food and a great time!

6. Day on the Ranch – I was asked to go hang out with some of my former student’s on their ranch in Guatemala. We drove out there and there we cooked steak on a stick and then rode a horse. It was a lot of fun to hang out with them and have quite the adventure.

5. Mr. Mai’s – We were invited to lay cement for one of the teacher’s house. There we mixed the cement and laid it down, then after all the hard work – we went for a relaxing swim down the river making fun pit-stops along the way.

4. Flores and Tikal – Another three-day weekend rolled around and a few of us had a much-needed vacation to Flores in Guatemala. The beautiful island on the Lake Peten Itza. We sang karaoke, went souvenir shopping, ate delicious food, and enjoyed the view and each other’s company. Later we went to Tikal, which is a huge Mayan ruin site which is absolutely amazing. There we met two amazing people, Adam and Kate, who are biking to raise awareness for Autism. Later we met up with other volunteers and took a boat tour around the lake.

3. Third Form Girls Retreat – Was a great opportunity to get to know and show my support for the girls that I teach in the third form. It was so clear that God had so much healing for the girls on this retreat and it was beautiful to see them be so receptive to God’s love.

2. Skit – There was a welcome assembly for the first formers and the teacher’s decided to put on a skit in which we dressed up like the students and acted like them. Then we broke out into the Cupid Shuffle in front of all 400 students who erupted into smiles, laughs, and screams.

1. Knights of the Immaculate Retreat – This was such a huge blessing of the semester in which I saw God do such mighty things in the men who were open to the power of the love of God and it helped me grow in fellowship with them.

Mid-November and December

The thing about missionary life is that it is still life. And because it is still life, it has the same challenges, same habits, same vices, same problems, and same tendency to complacency to overcome as in non-missionary life. Things can go very well when on mission, so much so that you are amazed that God has called you to such an incredible privilege and opportunity that it brings you to such complete joy. However, so much of mission is ordinary. So much of it is same old, same old. There is so much routine one can often times become complacent in going through the motions again and again, day in and day out, that one can easily lose focus on what everything is really all about. See I told you it’s still life. And when that happens, God loves to throw a curveball to mix things up a bit. When you expect things to continue to be amazing and beautifully providential, not because of your faith or trust in God, but because that’s just how things have gone, why wouldn’t it continue? You take for granted the many blessings you have encountered and you almost forget to count your blessings because you’re used to them. And you almost come to expect them because you somehow come to believe that you, yourself, are responsible for them. And that is when everything flings out of control. At times it can cause one to seriously doubt everything, but only through that dark period of doubt can one come to realize the true meaning behind everything. This needs to happen in order to remind one that everything is a gift. We do not earn anything, we do not deserve anything, we should not expect anything. Everything that we receive is a gift that is undeserved and unwarranted. This is something of the beauty and generosity of God, which is why every now and again we need a wake-up call to remind us of this truth – that we are nothing and that God is everything. That is what this past month has been about for me. Beginning with the third form boys’ retreat. I thought it would be the best retreat yet and that God would manifest Himself in manifold. This was the class that I pretty much made my decision to come back to Belize for. It was because I loved the second form students so much that I decided to come back and teach them. And yet this was one of the most painful retreats I’ve ever been on. Where I thought great things would happen, it seemed things went wildly out of control. The boys seemed apathetic, non-receptive, and bored. My heart ached in pain, seeing their amazing potential and seeing them be so nonchalant towards it. I guess this is something of what God feels for us when we do the same. I’ve noticed a lot of the students I was close with have really been becoming more and more detached. I was so frustrated and so confused. At that moment, I thought for the first time since I’ve been in Belize that I wanted to go home and quit. I wanted to give up. As I came back from the retreat so depressed and upset the student who received Communion for the first time in five years on the Knights retreat asked me if we were going to pray the Rosary today and I said “If you want to pray the Rosary, let’s go to the chapel.” So me and this student prayed a Rosary together alone in the chapel. And then he began to tell me how he had really began to change and when he was going through a really rough time at home and at school almost to the point of not wanting to come back to the school. He said “a phrase keeps coming back to me from the letters I received on retreat and from different situations, ‘Never Give up.’” And at that moment I realized that God was speaking through this student to me. A few weeks later, again, I was going through some serious doubts about my effectiveness and what was really the whole point of me being in Belize. I was at a daily Mass and I was just thinking, “God what am I doing here?! I’m not doing anything at this school. I’m not making a difference. If I was a good teacher, how come there are no students that come to daily Mass?” I was so frustrated and going through so many doubts. As I received Communion I offered everything up to God and as I turned the corner to return to my seat, I saw in the Communion line that same student. Sure enough, God continued to speak to me through this student. He’s been at Mass almost every day since. God, as the master Catechist, was teaching me a lesson that I largely had forgotten. It’s not me. It’s not my mission – it’s His. It’s not me – It’s Him.

“And you will meet humiliation all through your lives. The greatest humiliation is to know that you are nothing. This you come to know when you face God in prayer. When you come face to face with God, you cannot but know that you are nothing, that you have nothing. In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realize your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with Himself.” ~Mother Teresa

How beautiful it is to know, it’s not me. It’s Him, it’s in His hands. All I have to do is say “Yes – Fiat! Let it be done to me according to Your word!” It’s so easy to get caught up in the stupid day to day things that happen that you forget the main point. You can get so caught up in “busy-ness” that you forget your own need and dying thirst for God, Himself. You get so caught up in the routine and the way things go that you forget what everything is all about. It’s Him! It’s Him! He is worthy of the first thought and the last thought and everything in between. Why can we get so caught up with non-sense. It’s so easy to become selfish about your own time that I’ve realized I’ve lost focus in my teaching, in my relationship with students, and with my relationship with God. Oh how beautiful is His mercy that He reminds us that even in those times of deep doubt and darkness that He leads us into His light.

This reminds me of St. Thomas. In the Gospels, never is Jesus referred to as “Theos” meaning “God”, but only “Kyrios” meaning “Lord” which can be used to describe a human person worthy of honor because they had authority from God like a king or magistrate. This was because for the Jews, which was strictly monotheistic to the core, to call anyone “God” would go utterly and directly against the fact Yahweh is God and there is no other. “Lord” was a way for the Gospel writing Jews to express divine authority without putting into question the monotheism of God. St. Thomas is always thought of as “the Doubter,” that’s what is most commonly associated with St. Thomas, which is so sad considering he was eventually a martyr for the faith. But most don’t look at St. Thomas from the following perspective. Imagine that you spend three years of your life with this man called Jesus and you see Him do miracles, you see Him heal the sick, cure the lame, the deaf, and the blind and forgive sins. He looks in your eyes with such an intensity of love and He speaks truth, which burns deeply in your heart. You come to realize that He is so much more than just a man. He is the Christ. He is Lord. He loves you in your essence. He loves you totally for who you are. And you know that by the look in His eyes. Now imagine that this Christ whom you’ve loved dies and then you hear from everyone you’ve hung out with for the past three years that this Christ appeared to all of them, but not you. Would you not doubt also? “But I was a friend of Christ too? I gave up everything for Him, why would He not appear to me? I saw the way He looked at me and He loved me! There’s no way that that the Jesus I knew would appear to all my friends, but not to me! I do not believe He rose from the dead and unless I see His hands and put my finger in His side I will not believe.” Imagine being in this doubt and aloneness where the Apostles are ecstatic saying that they have seen the Risen Christ, your one true friend, and they are filled with this amazing joy and you have to hear them reflect on it, speaking about it, knowing that if something did happen it happened to all of them but didn’t happen to you. “Why would Christ do that? Didn’t He love me? What’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong that would make Christ appear to everyone else but me? He must not have risen!” And after a week of deep doubt and deep darkness finally Jesus meets Thomas in his doubt, in his darkness. And here is the beautiful lesson that St. Thomas teaches us. That it is in those doubts and in that darkness, in those low times, that Christ desires to bring us into the light of His truth… it’s not about us… it’s about Him! And blessed are those who believe in those times of doubt and darkness who have not seen… because they will come to know who Jesus really is. And here is the deepest confession of faith that you will see anyone make in the entire Bible… Thomas cried out “My Lord “Kryios” and my God “Theos!” It is precisely through those times of doubt and through those times of darkness that Jesus will build our faith even more deeply in Him than ever before and He meets us where we are and let’s us put our fingers in His side and touch His heart where we can come to realize that HE IS GOD and that we are not. We are nothing and that He is everything! Jesus I trust in You!